Forget everything negative in my previous post

My life isn't even a fraction as bad as I was thinking. I found out tonight that a good friend has stage 4 cancer. She isn't doing well. I don't know what I should be doing for her. I need to be a good friend and I don't know how. For now I can pray for her.

What's happiness?

I'm going to be 41 in a couple months and I sometimes feel like I'm wasting my life. I don't have a job that I love. I would like to. I don't travel. I would like to. I thought once I lost weight and started feeling healthier that I would be happier. I'm not. Life is passing me by and I'm sitting in the basement while it does.
On the Sopranos last week, Tony was in a dream sequence and his character in the dream was 46 and showing signs of alzheimers in a brain scan. My first though was if something like that happened to me or Rob I would really regret how we have lived our lives so far. We didn't even meet until we were 35 so we already missed 15 years of our adult life that we could have had together. We don't really do much together. Rob works late so I'm in bed when he gets home. And I've gotten so used to that, that when he does come home early, I sometimes feel annoyed that he has disrupted my schedule. My schedule of sitting in the basement watching tv and going to bed early. Not much of a schedule. Rob seem perfectly content to lay on the couch in front of the tv hour after hour after hour. I'm not anymore. I used to play on volleyball and softball teams with friends and meet friends for supper or drinks, I went rock climbing, I went biking, I took weekend road trips. I want to do stuff again.
Monday Chrisanna was telling me how she wanted to take a trip for her 30th birthday. She asked what I did for my "big 0" birthdays. I don't remember what I did on my 30th, so obviously nothing great and for my 40th I had big hopes, but again, nothing. Rob had told me a couple months in advance that he wanted to take me on a trip, but he didn't follow through. We built a deck instead, but even a local weekend trip would have been nice. Chrisanna asked how I felt about not doing anything. I was bummed, but I guess I can try again for my 50th. She also said I was lucky not to have anything to prevent us from doing things (meaning kids, although she thinks I'm missing out on the best thing ever by not being a mom). Well enough whinning.
I've been doing really well getting back on the weight loss track. I stopped drinking caffeine, but I still drink soda. I have worked out all but 3 days in March. I have been staying on points. I'm not losing as fast as I would like, but at least it's slowly coming off again. I should be able to lose 15 pounds before my year anniversary at WW in late June. If I change my goal weight to my pre-fat weight I am 19 pounds away. If I continue to my original goal I am 27 pounds away.
I wore new clothes today and felt good in them. The pants and shirt fit better than any of the clothes I have been wearing.

Spinning again

I took my second spinning class again today. Loved it! The instructor was different than the one before and the class was totally different than before. I'm really tired again from the class, but the butt kicking also feels really good. The competitive side of me comes out during class. I'll feel really pooped, but I don't want to let up and let the instructor or anyone see me slow down or sit down or in general look like I can't do it. If was that tired working out on my own, I would easily lower the tension or stop completely. I need to the class environment to really push me.

Updates

Last weekend Rob and I had a workout date. It was fun. Rob rode the stationery bike while I did some stability ball exercises. Then I helped him with a weight routine. I was a nice way to spend an hour.
We had 2 snowstorms last week. Monday's was pretty bad. Thursday's wasn't too bad. They both kept me from going to the club, but I rode the stationery bike both days.
I've had 2 really good weeks. I've stayed on points and worked out some every day but one. In fact I lost 3 pounds at my Friday WW weigh-in.
My WW meeting was good again. This week the focus was getting more exercise. And not just planned exercise, but by always doing a little something more. Some suggestions were to walk in place during commercials or the obvious, park farther away from the store. I thought that something I could do is to use the bathroom on a different floor at home and at work. Any little bit helps. The meetings are more helpful this time than they were when I went last summer. The leader is better, but I think it's actually because I'm one of the "thin" people at the meeting and I look at a lot of the women and I know I don't want to be like that again. Some days just thinking about having to count points for ever is so daunting, but I know that if I don't, I will over eat and gain the weight back. In February when I wasn't counting points or writing my food down, I tried to stay conscious of what I was eating, but it's much easier to eat too much if your not being accountable.
Saturday night we went to a good friends house so Rob could help her with her computer. It was really nice evening. I wish we could have more evening like that, but we don't have a lot of friends in common. My friends have husbands that don't have anything in common with Rob and Rob's friends aren't couples so I don't really fit in. Many times we say we want to make more friends and do more with other couples, but it's hard work to nourish friendships and neither one of us is good at it. And many times I don't want to be, I just want to be a loner and hang out by myself or with Rob. But there are times when it would be nice to go out to dinner with friends we both like and have something in common with. I feel more confident about myself since I have lost weight. When I was so fat I didn't want to meet new people or even socialize with people I did know.
Today Rob got up early (5:45 am) and rode the bike. He did a great getting up so early. He still didn't leave for work until 10:00 am, but one thing at a time. I really want him to get in better health. I want us to take weekend trips this spring and summer and go hiking and biking around the state. There are a lot of great parks and trails and it would be nice to enjoy them together.
Lisa is going to WW. I'm so glad. I hope she is successful. She is really overweight and I worry about her. She is going to finish nursing school this spring and I'm afraid she won't be able to find a job because of her weight. Do people want to hire a nurse who obviously doesn't take care of herself? Can you be effective as a medical professional if you don't set a good example?
Dad has to have shoulder surgery. He will be laid up for 6 weeks. That will positively drive him crazy. He isn't one to just sit around. He's in his 60's so it may be harder for him to recuperate as quickly as he would like as well. It would be nice if Grandma was home so they could hang out together. I'm not sure when she is expected home. Usually sometime in April. Dad's surgery is April 6.
April 6 is our wedding anniversary. 4 years. It has gone by so quickly. According to the anniversary gift guide, the traditional gift for 4 years is fruit and or flowers. The modern gift is an appliance. We don't exchange gifts, at least in the past we haven't and I'm OK with that.

Saturday

I hosted brunch today. I made low point food but I had a glass of juice and a muffin one of the guests brought which added an additional 6 points to my meal. And I had more of the egg stuff than I intended, but I was so hungry. I usually eat breakfast at 7 or 7:30 and we didn't eat until 11. I did have some toast at 5:45 before I went to the club. I'll have to use some flex points for today, which I very rarely use.
Which reminds me, I went to WW yesterday. I wasn't too shocked by the number. There were 22 people at the meeting. When I used to go, there were usually only about 10 people. The topic was "This Is It". It was a good meeting. One thing that one of the members said was that she had been following points faithfully for weeks and only losing .2 pounds per week. She never used her flex points. This past week she used some of her flex points and lost 2 pounds. The leader stressed that we should be using our flex points.
Rob asked me on a date for tomorrow. The date is a workout date. He wants us to work out together at home and I my job is motivate him to keep going on the bike when he wants to quit and show him some exercises he can do. I'm looking forward to it. I also want to go to the club before we have our date.

Another good day

I went to the club this morning and this afternoon I rode the stationary bike and did a stability ball routine. I feel so much better about myself.
I'm pretty tired again today. It will probably take a couple weeks to get used the consistent workouts and lower calories again.
Tomorrow I start WW again.

Spinning

I took my first spinning class today and it was great. The class kicked my butt, but it felt good. This and the balance ball class should really help me tone up. The one downfall is the teeny tiny seat. I'm guessing it will take a few times before my hiney doesn't feel sore. I also worked out before work for 40 minutes. I'm tired, but a good tired. 3 great days in a row. I'm going back to WW on Friday. I hope to reach my weight loss goal by June 21, my 1 year start anniversary of starting WW. I was hoping to reach my goal by my birthday, but my lack of control these past 2 months has made that unlikely.
Rob wants to talk about changing himself tonight. I do want to talk about it, and if not tonight, sometime soon.
I'm hosting a brunch this weekend. I found a couple of really good recipes that are low in points and don't taste obviously low cal/low fat. At least I don't think so. I hope everyone likes it.

A great new start

I did great today! Counted points and stayed within points. Got up early and worked out on the eliptical for 45 minutes. Took a 40 minute stability ball class. I feel good.
Kirby Pucket died yesterday of a stroke at age 45. Sad and scary. I worry about Rob and his health every day and Kirby has made me worry more about him. He is always tired. I want him to get a full physical and try to make some lifestyle changes.
Spring is on it's way. It was raining today, but still only in the low 30's. Tomorrow it's supposed to be in the mid 40's. I'm looking forward to spring and bike riding and going for walks. Too bad spring leads to summer. I don't like the hot humid summer days.

Better week

I haven't posted in a long time. I just haven't had anything new to say. Just the same old complaints.
I tried really hard to do better this week. I worked out 5 of 7 days. Excellent improvement over the past month. I haven't had any caffeine this week. Another excellent. My boobs are achey from all the caffeine I had been drinking. I'm still drinking at least one soda per day, but a caffeine free soda.
I have all the results from my dr appt last month. Pap good, mamo good, cholesterol good, blood sugar good. A healthy middle age women.
I feel horrible because of the lack of discipline about counting points and exercise. My next goal is to get back on points. I'm going to start going back to WW meetings this coming week. The scale has crept up a few pounds. I'm hoping it's mostly water retention. Even though I haven't been counting points I haven't been eating that terribly. My clothes don't feel as though they are fitting like they did a couple weeks ago and last night I really looked at my self in the mirror and saw a fat jiggly body and I wanted to cry. I worked so hard to lose this much weight and get healthy and I don't want to continue to backslide.
On a happy note, my living room, dining room & kitchen are painted and look fantastic. I love it! And I painted the guest bath this past week and it looks great too.