August 21

I didn't do anything I said I was going to last week. It's a lot harder being home all the time than I thought it would be. I spend way too much time watching tv and I stay up late and sleep late and my whole life seem out of sync. I need routine, but I'm finding it hard to have a routine. Rob thinks I should try getting back on my sleep/wake schedule and get up and go the club like I used to and come home, shower and leave again to get into a routine. He suggested going to the library to do my job searching and/or doing volunteer work. I told him I would try, but I didn't do any of it last week. And the house is a mess, which you would think if I'm home all day it would be sparkling clean, but my feeling is there no hurry to get things straightened up. Before, I would want to get everything cleaned up or at least looking presentable so I didn't have to worry about it on the weekends, but now every day is like a weekend so what's the big deal if it doesn't get cleaned up today. It's terrible and I can't seem to snap out the lethargy I'm in. I guess I never really realized how much value I put on having a job. I have been sending in resumes, but with little luck so far. I think when I apply for jobs that don't require a degree, people might think I am too qualified based on my experience and for jobs that require a degree, I'm not even considered even though I'm qualified based on experience. I regret not going to college now. If I had a degree I would have a job by now or at least have been on interviews. I don't even remember why I didn't want to go to college. I would like to have a degree, but I don't think I want to go to classes at this point in my life. I wouldn't mind taking classes on line to earn a degree, but then money becomes an issue. I think I made a big mistake leaving my previous job.
Today I got up, went for a 40 minute walk, showered, ran a quick errand to Target, finished and turned in my meeting notes for last Thursday's meeting and watched some tv. I don't feel so much today like I wasted time. I created a schedule for myself for this week and my goal is to stick to it all week. I hope I can do it. No, I know I can do it.